The significance of birth

There were pieces of my trauma that previous therapists attributed to my upbringing, but I felt were rooted in birth. After a few failed talk therapies, I found a practitioner who specialized in neuromuscular therapy and somatic experiencing. She confirmed that many of the places where I got stuck were related to the way I moved or stopped moving through the birth canal. Different passages we experience over the decades, such as finding new work, questioning relationships, and renegotiating boundaries with family as parents age, are typical threads in the web of humanity. Transitions mimic birth, and our bodies revert to patterning from that process.

Long-covid accompanied by multiple deaths and other unfortunate incidents, wrecked and disabled me for 4 years; I lost two dogs, quarantined with black mold complicating my lung issues, watched both parents and a grandmother start to pass simultaneously, and was humiliated, then humbled, starting over in a new field of work. Identity and status as a very successful online poker pro evaporated. That was the first job I ever loved and made millions doing it. And then a year after getting covid, I couldn’t walk anymore with insanely high blood pressure, pinched nerves, a slipped disc, and cognitive issues so bad that I forgot my name and address.

“Health and aging are both privileges.”

I had never been severely sick before. I was at the point where I’d try anything and stumbled into Sarah Farwell’s office. She was a craniosacral therapist who tractioned my skull, coupled with a lymphatic technique that released my spine, allowing fluid to rush out from my midline, filling my limbs. I cried as years of grief and dysfunction evaporated. Craniosacral therapy was a religious experience, and once I melted into the table, I felt a cloud of energy about 6-8 inches thick surrounding my body, bathing me with a slight euphoric sensation on my skin. Think of a barely existent orb cloaking the body like a blanket of electricity that feels alive and restorative, while also restful. This was a major data point showing me what I was capable of. It finally felt good to do nothing again, and I could see things become clearer internally. I am the identified patient in my family, the black sheep. Of four siblings, I was the only one with heavy trauma from each parent. As the family aged and parents began to pass from covid complications, old family dynamics resurfaced as people couldn’t ground with deep grief, set appropriate boundaries, or deal with complicated sensations/feelings. My body held unresolved issues from my family until I left completely. Boundaries will look different for each person; you’ll know it’s right when it starts to work. Soon after, my long-covid faded, and I began keeping the results from my sessions.

I believe 5-15% of pain is purely physical, addressed through typical massage, yoga, and strengthening. The rest comes down to your ability to sense your experience fully and move it- a skill developed from somatic work like integrative massage. I know who I am because of all the sessions I’ve received and given. You grow to understand yourself intimately through regular body-based therapies. My needs are very clear to me. Private practice grounds me, training to be a triathlete gives me space, my boundaries are precise, preserving my peace of mind, and I take at least an hour daily to enjoy my life, usually watching movies:) The capacity I’ve developed to move or sit with my experiences contributes to a sensation of fluidity in places where I was once stuck and cut off from myself.