The significance of birth

There were pieces of my trauma that previous therapists attributed to a chaotic upbringing, but I felt they were rooted in birth. After a failed talk therapy and a few more poor practitioners, I found a woman, Isabel, who specialized in neuromuscular therapy and somatic experiencing. She confirmed that many of the places where I got stuck were related to the way I moved or stopped moving through the birth canal. Different passages we experience over the decades, such as finding new work, questioning relationships, renegotiating boundaries with family or friends as we age, or dealing with loss and health issues, are typical threads in the web of humanity. Transitions mimic birth, and our bodies revert to patterning from that process. If enough threads overlap, we become overwhelmed and cannot get back to restorative states.

Long-covid accompanied by multiple deaths and other unfortunate incidents, wrecked and disabled me for 6 years; I lost two dogs, quarantined with black mold complicating my lung issues, watched both parents and a grandmother start to pass simultaneously- my parents developing terminal issues after having covid. I was humiliated, then humbled, starting over in a new field of work. Identity and status as a very successful online poker pro evaporated. That was the first job I ever loved and made millions doing it. And then a year after getting covid, I couldn’t walk anymore with insanely high blood pressure, pinched nerves, a slipped disc, and cognitive issues so bad that I forgot my name and address.

“Health and aging are both privileges.”

I had never been severely sick before. I was at the point where I’d try anything and stumbled into Sarah Farwell’s office. She was a craniosacral therapist who tractioned my skull, coupled with a lymphatic technique that released my spine, allowing fluid to rush out from my midline, filling my limbs. I cried as years of grief and dysfunction evaporated. Craniosacral therapy was a religious experience, and once I melted into the table, I felt a cloud of energy about 6-8 inches thick surrounding my body, bathing me with a slight euphoric sensation on my skin. Think of a barely existent orb cloaking the body like a blanket of electricity that feels alive and restorative, while also restful. This was a major data point showing me what I was capable of. It finally felt good to do nothing; I could see things become clearer internally, and I could walk again.

I am the identified patient in my family- the problem child- or viewed as sick by the kin. Dynamics like this are generational. They can stem from grief, shame, and a misadjusted disgust response. Of four siblings, I was the only one with heavy trauma from each parent. As the family aged and parents began to pass from covid complications, old family issues resurfaced; people couldn’t process deep grief, set appropriate boundaries, or deal with complicated sensations/feelings. They blamed me for our parents’ illnesses. My body held unresolved dysfunction from my family until I left completely. The next day, my autoimmune started to fade, and I began keeping the results from my sessions, but the grief was devastating and took years to molt into love again.

It’s very tricky to understand why we are stuck- currently, everyone is, in some arena of life, unfortunately. I orient to context and sequence when looking for traction. My traumas resolved primarily with boundaries, creating meaningful work, time, and reorienting to exercise…I value cardio highly with weight training. You have to be honest with yourself after bodywork sessions and address the insights that come up. Or maybe you have a good life already, and the techniques I practice are enough to help you jump the last few hurdles. For what it’s worth, I do think it is possible to be adept in all larger areas of life, retaining a fluid body relationship to different stressors and deep grief during passages, but it takes an incredible degree of precision…a conversation if we meet:)