The significance of birth

There were pieces of my trauma that previous therapists attributed to my upbringing, but I felt were rooted in birth. After a few failed talk therapies, I found a practitioner who specialized in neuromuscular therapy and somatic experiencing. She confirmed that the places where I got stuck were related to the way I moved or stopped moving through the birth canal. These different passages we experience throughout the decades, like finding new work, questioning relationships, and renegotiating boundaries with family as parents age, are typical threads in the web of humanity. The way we push through these challenges can mimic our births. An inability to take a step forward due to fear, which may be coupled with suffering, can be traced back to a traumatic birth in conjunction with a dysfunctional family. The best-adjusted therapist I found admitted that everyone gets stuck somewhere- we all have some trauma.

Long-covid accompanied by multiple deaths and other unfortunate incidents, wrecked and disabled me for 4 years; I lost two dogs, quarantined with black mold complicating my lung issues, watched both parents and a grandmother start to pass simultaneously, and was humiliated, then humbled, starting over in a new field of work. Identity and status as a very successful online poker pro evaporated. That was the first job I ever loved and made millions doing it. And then a year after getting covid, I couldn’t walk anymore with insanely high blood pressure, pinched nerves, a slipped disc, and cognitive issues so bad that I forgot my name and address.

“Health and aging are both privileges.”

I had never been severely sick before. I was at the point where I’d try anything and stumbled into Sarah Farwell’s office. She was a craniosacral therapist who tractioned my skull, coupled with a lymphatic technique that released my spine, allowing fluid to rush out from my midline, filling my limbs. I cried as years of grief and dysfunction evaporated. Craniosacral therapy was a religious experience, and once I melted into the table, I felt a cloud of energy about 6-8 inches thick surrounding my body, bathing me with a slight euphoric sensation on my skin. Think of a barely existent orb cloaking the body like a blanket of electricity that feels alive and restorative, while also restful. This was a major data point showing me what I was capable of. It finally felt good to do nothing again, and I could see things become clearer internally. The areas where I was coupled started to come undone, so I could take better care of myself- I began to understand what I needed and wanted as thoughts and feelings became distinct. Muscles, fascia, and bones reorganized, allowing fluid to move freely. This gave me a more accurate sense of what I was comfortable with. Boundaries that once felt appropriate became intolerable, and relationships shifted or disappeared. I am the identified patient in my family, the black sheep. Everyone blames me for issues in the family. My body holds that unless I am disconnected completely from the family. Once I took that boundary, my long-covid started to go away, and I began keeping the results from my sessions.

I believe 5-15% of pain is purely physical, addressed through typical massage, yoga, and strengthening. The rest comes down to your container- the capacity to sense your experience fully and move it. I know who I am because of all the work I’ve received. Private practice grounds me, training to be a triathlete gives me space, my boundaries are precise, preserving my peace of mind, and I take at least an hour daily to enjoy my life, usually watching movies:)